And perhaps that's when I wandered into the territory of regret. My thought process was that regret, like most other feelings, is just a feeling. It's a signpost that is pointing you in a certain direction. It's only real job is to alert you to information. To use the feelings as little divining rods to get closer to some truth or some situation or something that is...whether it needs your attention (fixing something that feels off) or not. (Do all our feelings require some sort of attention?) My best guess was something along the lines of regret is probably just a signal that something in this mix has some sort of meaning or is unresolved and these re-surfacing feelings (which may or may not actually be regret) are actually trying to be helpful. Trying to show me, trying to illuminate, the places that are stuck or resolve-able or ready to be go of or something - that maybe the detective work is finding out exactly what is resurfacing and why it needs my attention.
Then, tonight, I had the excellent chance to catch up on over a month's worth of Hidden Brain podcasts, including the episode Regrets, I've Had A Few. I heard these words, right at the opening, from researcher Amy Summerville and it brought a real sense of calm. Oh, these lingering feelings...they are not bad feelings. They are guideposts that are trying to help me somehow. I highly suggest you give the episode a listen.
In the mean time, I'd love to know how you define 'regret'. If you label the things that are sticky or the things you wish you had done differently (or not done, or done) as regrets, or if they hit you somewhere else. If you have any pointers on letting go (in general), or specifically of really sticky regrets. Is there something valuable a certain missed opportunity (or mis-stepped opportunity) has taught you in the long run? In the short run? As usual, I'd love to know your thoughts. Who knows...maybe we'll discuss for a few days...or maybe not. Do you, can you, have you - reframed your 'regrets' to help learn what was truly underneath them? Does this help come to terms or let go or understand better?
Read a bit more HERE.